Celestia's Letters
by CelestialBalances
Summary: After Luna's banishment, Celestia seeks a way to fight out her feelings. With so many emotions packed inside of her, she decides to write her thoughts in a journal her and her sister used to share. /A/N Chapters get less and less detailed due to lack of inspiration. Whoops :c
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

You've been sitting on my dresser since the day I got you. My sister had given you to me a few century's back, I never thought I would have a reason to write in you. I would usually just go to her if I had a problem, but now I understand its a way to let out my feelings. Well,it used to seem I had nothing to write about, I now have too much to write about.

Lets start off with knowing a little about myself.

I have white fur, and I am a winged unicorn, an"Alicorn", whom goes by the name of Celestia. I am a savior to the land in which I live. I am the princess of the sun, in which I raise everyday at the break of dawn.

Thousands of years ago, an evil residence resided along the borders of the world, enslaving everyone in his reach. Havoc was spread, for The Lord in which we were ruled under was the king of chaos. He strived to wreck and control all in which his heart desired, and he did just that. But as I gained courage and sadness upon those around me, I sought out power to defeat the king, who went by the name of Discord. Of course I didn't do it alone, I was helped by the side of my sister Luna. Yes, I have a little sister, who was- very...

I- we defeated the master of chaos, with the help of very powerful Elements that we had found. These Elements came from the Tree of Harmony, for the tree was very powerful. All in which is good is spread through out the tree, connecting harmony inside it. As long as Harmony remained through the land, the tree would live and let forth it's power. Although, there was one element that I had an odd feeling about. I didn't know what it meant-but I knew it meant something powerful.

We were able to take the Elements out of the captive stone, and the Tree of Harmony would still remain peaceful. Though, if harmony was ever to be broken, the Tree would slowly die, and so would life soon after. But after we had decided what had to be done with Discord's fate, we used them, capturing the king in stone for thousands of years to become.

We held the elements in a secret stone underground at our old castle. We had promised to only use them when fate depended on it.

Princess Celestia, who ruled by the side of Princess Luna. We were praised and loved through out the land, and I'm very proud of my standing. We maintained harmony above our subjects, and ever since then I have tried my best to do whatever I can in the need of my kingdom. Though some cases were harder than I thought, I had made a promise to never abandon my land.

My sister, was not treated equally in her case, for I didn't abandon my kingdom but instead her, and I will always be forever responsible. I have lived hundreds of years upon my regret for my mistakes, 290, to be exact, but the burden will never escape my heart. All of the memories of my doings have brought out depression and sadness, and I am incapable of handling my new responsibilities right. If I could only turn back time, and change everything from that one fateful night...

The reason of this, is my fault. I was cast away in the beam of the limelight, whilst my sister was buried beneath the length of the shadows. She tried to explain, but I was the one who didn't listen. She took this as an insult, and I now understand how wrong I was. In some cases she would state I didn't love her, and I would find her to lock herself away to cry, but as I tried to comfort her it became worse and worse. I hadn't had time to pay much attention to her, and she soon got the idea that I hated her, so I strode away not even to tell her I loved her. It was the worst mistake of my life.

She had grown more powerful than I had thought she would ever be capable of being. She produced darkness upon the land, and shattered coldness through our kingdom. The battle was fierce. I tried to reason with her- but she continued to fire at me with hatred. She had warned me and I hadn't listened, thus I had unintentionally abandoned her physically. I used the Elements and banished Luna to the moon for a thousand years, and I will say, it is the worst thing I have ever done.

If only I would have listened, cared, and treated her like a little sister, maybe this wouldn't have happened. I can't say if I'll ever see her again, but if I do, I would never be able to handle sanity. I am unstable, and have emotionally been drawn from correctly ruling over my kingdom, thus being handed to the powers of Princess Cadance, whom helps rule by my side to maintain the harmony.

And as I stand here, gazing out upon my weakened kingdom, I long for the day of my sisters return. I have had dreams of her returning to hate me for my doings, or to never return at all. I'm afraid my sister won't be forgivable, and I may never rule by her side again. I was once strong but I'm beginning to shatter, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I keep glancing up at the moon in the darkened sky, praying, just praying to her to hold on tightly, and maybe she would return someday. If I could only trade myself in her place to understand the pain she's going through, I would- I love her so much, and I miss her.

She's my little sister, and I will forever be sorrowful. She is a friend, a sister, a daughter, and will forever be

A true princess of the night.

Love,

Celestia.

Celestia then drew back away from the balcony in which she stood upon, and used her magic to tear out and roll the diary entry, securing it with a red piece of thread. She closed her eyes and prayed to her beloved sister, and cast the letter out the window. The wind blew it up past the clouds, and as it blew out of sight, Celestia felt warm tears welling up in her eyes. She turned around to stumble into bed, praising her sorry to her sister who shines up above.

A thousand years, of regret.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear diary,

It's been 536 years since she's been gone.

That's only half the time she has spent up there, and thinking of having to live through all years she just got over with again, it tears me up. I'm stronger than this, I know, but it's just been so hard without Luna. I'm desperately crying out to my forbidden sister, I am in need of her return. None of the ponies or creatures that I humbly rule over in Equestria understand what I'm going through, and it hurts me to imagine what she's going through. The pain and suffering she's dealing with can only be a hundred times more heart shattering than what I'm going through. It must be lonely up there. She must be thirsty for love and hungry for light. Damn you, Celestia, _damn you_. I could have prevented this, I could have grown her into something better. If only I'd realized how beautiful her night was before now. Her beautiful stars cast brilliant shadows across the land, arrays of pictures they make, light that they bring us during the darkened hours. It is all too astounding for me to even remember why I didn't notice it before.

She was just wanting a friend, a sister to love her. I thought I was doing my best for her, but my royal duties were so very tiring, and I didn't have the strength to approach her. With all the stress I was put on as princess of the day, I took orders from everypony and they needed to be attended to. Unfortunately, Luna did not have many things to do, for her time of ruling was always when others were sleeping. It was both a blessing and a curse for her. I didn't want her to go through a ton of work, afterall, because I know how stressful it is. I know if I couldn't handle much work, then she couldn't.  
>And there, I said it. I thought I was stronger than her.<p>

I thought I was oh, so very loved, and I was blessed with this, I know. But I admit, I loved dancing in the light, hearing their words of praise and being bowed before. I felt like a queen, I felt like a _goddess._ I loved to hear them screaming my name, I lived to see their amazed looks when I walked into the room. But when she walked into the room, when she needed someone, there was no one, because no one needed her. Even I, her own sister, did not look her in the eyes. Darkness wasn't her burden; It was the light that was mine.  
><em><br>_It's become harder to raise the sun every day. It's a time that I have to push my sister away yet again- and it pains me more than ever. Every night is a terrible reminder of the horrible pony I am. With Luna gone, it has been my duty do raise the moon, and I have held up my responsibilities like I should. But must I say, the hardest part about my job is constantly being reminded. I dance with my shadows and live with my nightmares. I never want the night to leave now- it's every special second that I get to spend with my sister, not physically, but mentally.

It's unknown what will happen after this, these years of ruling alone, I just wish these years would go by faster. I have examined my kingdom after this time she has left me, and we have grown stronger. We've let go of our weaknesses, and that's a good sign, I guess. But I recently let Princess Mi Amore Cadenza go of her responsibilities, I think I've managed to grasp them now. It did become hard for me to rule everything alone in a single kingdom, but It's what's best for me. Cadenza will have her own duties when the time comes. I'll hardly get to see her after that. It's fine I suppose. Another pony thrown out of my life that I will never see.

I'm afraid of being alone.

I always like to sit out on my balcony every night, and stare at the shining stars, holding Luna's spirit up there. I wonder if she ever looks down upon the earth, I wonder if she misses me... I was so, so wrong... I hope she remembers that I am always by her side, no matter what has happened between us in the past. I wonder if she still loves me.

Life was hard back then and it still is, but I'm still holding on. I dread the day she comes as well, for I am fearful of her hatred and despise unto me. I just wish I could bring her home already, and hug her and let her know how much I love her and missed her, but it's only time who can do that, not me.

And into another 464 years, I'll write back soon.

Love,

Princess Celestia~

And once again, the Princess stood back to secure her letter, thus abandoning it into the winds of the night. She said her prayers and quietly went to bed, this time, smiling to herself.


End file.
